Steve FAQs
Hello everyone! I foolishly thought that I could get away with not updating for 3 weeks. I thought no one would notice. Imagine my surprise when I found my inbox was stuffed full of angry outcries demanding the blog live again. Yes, the public just can't get enough Steve. This post is dedicated to my thousands (millions? Dozens?) of worldwide fans. It would take too long to answer all of my fans emails, so I have taken some of the questions I am most frequently asked and will now answer them here.
What is good in life?
In the words of Gengis Khan (and Conan the Barbarian,) "The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters." That sounds pretty sweet to me.
Judging by your writing, you seem kind of vain. Are you Narcissistic?
Narcissistic?! I'm too GREAT to be narcissistic! Why can't any of you fools see that!?
God damn it, Steve! Why don't you ever update your blog?
An inspiration teacher I once had told me that if I was serious about being a writer, I should write for half an hour every day, no matter what. Obviously I'm not serious about being a writer.
Why are you such a jerk all the time?
I know I seem like a jerk, but perhaps my abrasiveness is merely a mask I put on for the world in order to hide an insecure and frightened inner soul.
Really?
No, but people don't get as mad at me when I say that. I'm a jerk because I think it's funny.
Coke or Pepsi?
From a can or bottle, Coke is better, from a fountain or something, Pepsi is better. That being said, they really don't taste all that different, and seeing as I most enjoy spiced with some rum or amaretto, it doesn't really matter which one I get.
Who's the biggest influence on your life?
Obviously, it's the person I most admire and respect: Batman. Whenever my life runs into a rough patch, I sk myself "What would Batman do?"
Have you run out of fake questions to ask yourself already?
Maybe. I figure that's enough for one post anyhow. Perhaps next time, I'll have more. Until then, I'll keep all my fans waitting in suspense.
posted by Steve @ 8:50 a.m.
2 comments
2 Comments:
Steve! I'm SO desperate to have another question answered. I'm your biggest fan, and I've already sent you numerous emails... Obviously, you're a very busy and important person, but I'm hoping you might indulge me by answering just one more question:
If you could meet any person in the history of the world, who would it be?
I don't think I can continue on living my life, going about my day-to-day activities, without knowing this information. You truly are my idol.
Anonymous, you reached out over the cold, unfeeling internet and you've touched my heart.
It's common knowledge that Steve will do anything for his fans, so answering one more question is not only my duty; it's a pleasure.
If I could meet any person, it would have to be famed 80s wrestler Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Why? Because no one would ever suspect it. Given an opportunity like this, most would meet Gandi, Churchill, or Buddha. While those guys all rock my world, they'd see it coming. "It" in this case is a sudden sucker-punch to the gut. Jake The Snake would be so surprised to see me that he'd leave himself wide open for the most vicious gut-punch of his life.
That's what celebrity is all about to me: getting punched by people.
Disagree? Leave a comment on this blog telling me who YOU think I should meet (and possibly sucker-punch.) I'm surprised that this blog doesn't get more comments considering my legions of fans. This is your chance to let Steve himself how you feel. Is it really a chance you can afford to miss?
Post a Comment
<< Home