The Last Ode? Perhaps?

Okay all you Steve-devotees, Ive had it up to here with these odes. However, despite my growing distaste with them, I've toughed it out and made it to the last one. For weeks, everone's been going crazy trying to figure out who my last ode was going to be dedicated to. Media speculation has been running high, predicting an ode of apocolyptic importance. Vegas bookies have been scrambling to set the odds. People have even been asking me with feigned interest. Well, I don't think anyone's going to be surprised that the last person is none other than Amanda. (Actually, some people probably are surprised by that, but those people are stupid. So nuts to them!)

1) Amanda is Not Especially Clever

Some people are going to be all like, "Ouch for Amanda!" or "Steve is a super-jerk!" but I still find Amanda's slow wits to be more endearing than insulting. I must stress that I don't mean to imply that Amanda is un intelligent. Far from it, in fact! Amanda's at least 3 times as smart as I am. It's just that when it comes to a witty put-down, she's always left in the dust. Amanda sets herself up beautifully for my insults, and as I result I feel like a pretty cool dude everytime I burn her. Tha't partially what makes her an awesome friend.


2) Amanda May be Narcoleptic

Narcolepsy isn't really a positive attribute, but it kind of makes me feel sorry for Amanda, so it bears mentioning. Amanda has a habit of falling asleep during movies, a habit which I find bizarre and more than a little disturbing. I mean, we've all fallen asleep during boring movies at some point in our lives, but likely it isn't something we do on a weekly basis. Amanda throws convention straight out the window andfalls asleep whenever she damn well pleases. As a result, Amanda can not be trusted to give accurate movie reviews. For example, if amanda were to say that a movie was particularly bitchin', I couldn't help but think her sleepy nature has left her movie judging skills fundamentally flawed.
(Fun Fact! Narcolepsy is quite a bit different from Narcophilia, which is itself quite different from Necrophilia. I can't stress this enough.)


3) Amanda Makes All the Plans

Everyone in my circle of friends is such a lazy bum, that we don't usually do something unless Amanda makes us. She may be most responsible for the group being friends for so long. Actually, now that I think about it, Ashley makes a goodly amount of plans as well. Am I the only one who refuses to make plans? This is serious food-for-thought.


4) Amanda is a Geophysicist, or Something Like That

In the future, if I ever need some physics done, I can just turn to Amanda! Actually, I guess shed only be really useful if the physics in question took place underground or something. I'm not too entirely sure if I will make use of her services ever. Geo-science doesn't really directly impact my life that much.


5) Amanda is the One Who Suggested I do This Series of Odes

To be honest, theseodes haven't ended up being as funny as I thought they'd be when I started them. You can direct all hatemail to Amanda.


6) Amanda Keeps Me Up to Date on All the Latest Gossip

Amanda knows all the good stuff, or at least possess the ability to retell it in a good way. Other people try to give me some gossip, but it usually sucks pretty bad. Amanda's anecdotes are kind of like the jokes from Seinfeld in that they all kind of are based around awkward human interaction. The sociologist in me loves this kind of humour on a geeky, pseudo-scientific level. Amanda has a good grasp on that kind of stuff. Also, when telling me this stuff, we're drawn back to my first point: Amdanda leaves herself open for good natured ribbing / serious insulting. Good times.




That's it! I've fulfilled my ode-making obligation to all of you! Davey, I'm not writing anything for you! You're all leeches! Leeches!