Steve <3 Valentines Day (But Not Really)

Hey chums! Today is Valentine's day and even though you won't read this post until tomorrow at the earliest, I figured i still had to do the obligatiory Valentines post / rant. As you are probably aware, Valentines Day is all about love, and to a lesser degree, chocolates and flowers and stuff. And who's the greatest expert ever on love? Why it's me, of course! Just listen to some of these testimonials from girls who are totally real:

"Steve is pretty great at love! If it were't illegal in this country, I'd try to pay him for it!"
-anonymous

"Steve is the most adequate lover I've ever had!"
-anonymous

"Man, that Steve is one guy who likes making out entirely too much!"
-anonymous

"Need some love? Why not give Steve a call?"
-wall of a bathroom stall

"When it comes to love, Steve knows what he's talking about! In fact, I'm loving him right now!"
-anonymous

"Steve's pretty good at platonic love, but really shines when it comes to romantic love!"
-anonymous

If that doesn't convince you, then I don't know what will, (except some love from yours truly.)
At this point was going to share some humourous storys of my escapades and misadventures in the field of love, but unfortunately, I can't. There are 3 reasons for this:
1) Some of the stories may involve some ex-girlfriends who probably wouldn't appreciate my kissing-and-telling. That's just rude and inconsiderate.
2) Other stories may be too saucy or just generally inappropriate. I blush everytime someone says a dirty word and may have difficulty telling a story that deals with any taboo topics. Readers also probably don't want to hear storys about my romantic life anyway. There's too much of a risk of them accidently imagining me naked or something.
3) My mom is a regular reader of this blog. Though I have some funny stories here, I don't want my mom reading about a hilarious story that's fairly inappropriate. I mean, her reading the nude pictures story was awkward enough, you know?

So my initial Valentines Day story plan is a bust. I'd try to think of something else to make up for it, but I have an essay due tomorrow that I need to be working one. Perhaps if there are requests, I can regal you with these untold stories next time